UFO's in Astoria?

Very early Friday morning, while it was still night-time, I was driving east on Hwy 30 from Astoria, heading to Portland Airport with my son and daughter-in-law. It is a densely forested rural area, there are no street lights, and the sky was very black. The only lights around were my headlights. I don’t remember there being anyone else driving near us on that stretch of road at the time.

About 8 miles east of Astoria, between John Day and Svensen, I suddenly spotted an extremely bright strobing light (like from a professional camera strobe light) in the sky, which appeared to be to be on the northeast side of the road. However, there were tall pines in the way, so there was no way to tell the direction from which the light was actually coming. When my son commented, so did my daughter-in-law, and we realized that all three of us noticed it at the same time.

In about a minute, I would guess, I rounded a bend, and there was an object in the sky to the southeast, now on the other side of the road. Which means it traveled about 200-300 feet to the southeast. It was not very high in the sky at all (less than 500’), and I only saw it for a few seconds, but my impression was that of a saucer-sort of shape, with square-ish porthole-type windows with black cross-bars, like four-paned house windows.

All I could see in the windows was that the interior of the object was intensely lit, but the light did not seem to beam out from the windows. There were at least two windows, and probably three, visible. One window was larger than the others.

There was a hazy light above and around the object, and the light below it was strobing. The object did not appear to be moving, but it was hard to tell, since the car was moving. My son also had the impression that the object was not moving, but hovering.

I was so startled, I slowed down almost to a stop, but it is a very narrow and treacherous road, so it would have been very dangerous to actually stop and pull over. Plus, I did not want to take my eyes off of the object to even try it. But I still have the image of it against the black sky in my mind. My son said he saw several separate strobing lights on the bottom of the craft, where I just had the general impression of strobing lights.

My daughter-in-law kept looking out the back window after we passed by it, and said the light continued to strobe in the sky above the trees for about a minute, then suddenly stopped. I know, this sounds weird ... I mean even weirder than the sighting itself, that is ... but it seemed to me as though it had appeared just for us. A "yoo-hoo" from, well, who the hell knows.

The kids were both very unsettled by the sighting, and they both had the reaction of not wanting to tell anyone what they saw because they didn't want anyone to think they were crazy. It is a well-established fact that I am crazy, so I have no such constraints. I was amazed and delighted. Positively tickled, actually. I have always hoped I would see one someday. I’m just glad I had other witnesses with me when it happened so I don't have to look in the mirror every day, and wonder how I'll look in a white jacket with straps.

Nope, we have no pictures or audio-video clips. And I wouldn't know what to draw as I have more of an impression of an image than an actual shape that I could draw. Since he was not as distracted by and fixated on the windows as I was, my son saw the whole object more clearly than I did. I would guess we saw it for several seconds. He says he can draw it, and will send me a copy of the drawing.

We have no idea what we saw, but we all thought it was a UFO, since there just didn't seem to be any other explanation out there in the middle of nowhere. Is there another explanation? I rather doubt it, since I’ve never heard of any sort of aircraft that flies around with blindingly bright lights on inside of it.

Those distracting bright windows really made me wonder about the whole concept of “going into the light.”

Astoria Photografpix

Astoria, UFO

Astoria Victoria

Last Saturday night we went to the newly renovated Liberty Theatre to see John Doan perform his Victorian Christmas show. Ah, it was a fine evening, with lots of historical notes and slides about the Victorian era, and even better, he played several instruments from that space in time.

Best of all, there was none of the politically correct crap I loathed in L.A., i.e. Christmas was unabashedly called Christmas, and it was a Christmas celebration. Now don't get me wrong, I don't have a religious bone in my body, but I do love all of the traditions and hoopla that go with Christmas. And, it was very nice to see it just "out there" for all of us in the audience to enjoy again.

It was particularly lovely, and touching, when he had the audience sing along to the old carols while he played those funky old musical instruments. People just don't DO that any more, at least in L.A. -- LaLaLanders are in mortal fear of offending someone, anyone, whoever, however. Christmas in L.A. is bad enough with the drive-by shootings, palm trees, and relentless sun, without having to even think about who the hell you just MIGHT POSSIBLY be offending by enjoying a little Christmas spirit.

Anyway, you can see who John Doan is, and hear snippets of his music on his website, johndoan.com

In Astoria, Christmas is alive and well, and not just in the Liberty Theatre. The other night I was taking the doggies out back, and was hearing all kinds of whoops and strange beeping noises in the night. Rather like a fire department siren, but there was no pattern to it. As I was scratching my head, wondering what the hell was going on, I heard a loud voice over a P.A. system announcing, "Merry Christmas from the Astoria Fire Department!" The voice echoed over the river, and sounded like it was right in my back yard. It was grand. Yup, we can sing Noel in Astoria, all right.

Astoria Photografpix

Astoria, Victorian Christmas, John Doan, Liberty Theatre

Rogue Rat

A while ago I mentioned I had read somewhere that pure peppermint oil repels rats. It can't be peppermint extract, as that makes them drunk. I really do not need a passel of drunken rats cavorting and carrying on in the basement, playing hide and fart in the canned goods.

As it is, dead sober, our clan of cellar-rats recently ravaged a 50 lb. bag of dog food that was 7' high on top of a cabinet. When it was too empty to hold them for group snack-time, they threw the bag on the floor to let me know they were ready for a refill.

Finally, fed up with their demands, I went in search of peppermint oil. I could not find any peppermint oil in town, and got some damn peculiar looks when I asked for it from local merchants. So I had to go online for my quest. Apparently it is some kind of LaLaLand fad vitamin supplement for humans, so it cost an extravagent $15 for three teeny bottles.

My partner, B, trudged to the basement with a wad of cotton balls, and the peppermint oil, and set oil-soaked cotton balls in all of the locations where the rats were partying their heartiest. Now every time I open the basement door it smells like a gum factory down there.

After 2 days, the new crop of rat-droppings dropped down to a minimum, i.e. there was evidence of only one rebellious rat instead of the usual mob of 20+. Okay, fine.

My 120 lb. shepherd mix, Leo, greeted the disappearance of his sporting rodent chums with consternation. Where were his tailed toys? What happened to all the scurrying, squeaking,and scampering critters? He searched frantically in every nook and cranny, and shook his head in dismay.

But then, Leo had a ray of hope. He discovered the rogue rat lurking in the canned goods, right next to a cotton ball soaked with enough peppermint oil to give him the rodent equivalent of a migraine. Leo smiled and lunged, and the rogue rat stood up on his hind legs, ready to leap out and remove Leo's eyebrows. I grabbed Leo by his collar and hauled him back before the battle could commence, and I think they were both highly disappointed.

So peppermint oil really does work to get rid of rats, for the most part. The remaining rat, who has now been christened Ratilla, gets to stay. I can live with one rat ... I just think of him as having a very large cage.

Astoria Photografpix

Astoria, rats, rats in basement, peppermint oil

Sam Bucks vs. Goliath

The big tempest in a coffee pot lately here in Astoria is Starbucks going after a local coffee-shop owner who named her shop Sam Bucks. Okay, so her maiden name is Samantha Buck, but the judge was not amused.

I've never been to Sam Bucks (or whatever the shop will now be called), but I do know there's a Starbucks at the Safeway store. And I really don't think any local, or even any tourist with half a brain, is going to confuse the two shops, but she lost the suit anyway.

However, there is a silver lining in the cloud. In today's Daily Astorian, it appears that Starbucks is not going to go after Sam Bucks for legal fees, which could potentially be in the hundreds of thousands.

And I can't help but think that's a smart move on Starbucks' part. Last night I did a blog search using just the word "astoria." What popped up were at least 50 blogs about Sam Buck's battle with Starbucks, and the feeling towards Starbucks was, shall we say, less than positive.

I've been here in Astoria for a year, and since I don't drink coffee (I'm allergic to caffeine, more's the pity), I didn't even know there was a Sam Bucks. But I DID know there was a Starbucks in town. Now I'm going to make a point of finding Sam Buck's shop and seeing if they have any decaf. I bet a cup of underdog decaf tastes a hell of a lot better than the best mega-inflated-priced decaf Starbucks has to offer.

Astoria Photografpix

Astoria, Sam Bucks, Starbucks

Talking Turkey in Astoria

I have been a neglectful blogger. But then, everything has fallen into a deep pit while I’ve been getting my photos ready for the opening of a new photo gallery in Astoria, the Shanahan Gallery, 1296 Commercial St.

Okay, that’s a blatant plug, and shameless self-promotion, but what the hell. If I don’t promote my work, I don’t know who will. And as some wise old showbiz mogul said, “There’s no such thing as bad publicity.”

It’s been 30 years since I’ve exhibited anywhere, and the last time I did, one of my best photos was stolen right off the wall. I was truly flabbergasted, and so was the gallery, and at the time, I honestly didn’t know whether to be pissed or flattered. I still wonder.

I digress. Preparing simple matted prints for the Astoria Sunday Market is one thing. Preparing matted prints for a gallery is a galloping horse of another color. It is time-consuming. It is expensive. It is an exercise in masochism and frustration. It consumes every waking and sleeping thought. I created several new permutations of exceedingly graphic and vile obscenities in the process. I should have written them down, now that I think of it, for future use.

Last Friday I finally delivered the 50 “children” to the gallery. At first I thought I would be loath to part with them after all the angst. But no, I almost flung them at the poor gallery owner, and flew out the door. Once outside, I felt free, and damn near giddy, and practically danced down the sidewalk with relief.

In the meantime, while I was thrashing around and swearing at my gallery prints, it was our first Thanksgiving in Astoria. My first Thanksgiving away from my son, and I was worried that I might get mopey or depressed. Not that my son would be suffering … nope, he was off in Amsterdam judging the “Cannabis Cup.” No, I'm not kidding: The Cannabis Cup

This brain-draining event involves something along the line of going to coffee shops in Amsterdam, sipping coffee mixed with varying degrees and types of hash and pot, to see who serves the best “coffee.” I’m not sure what the winning coffee shop gets, or even if it matters, since the judges are probably too stoned after a week to remember why they are there in the first place. So anyway, my son’s Thanksgiving was, I’m sure, very thankful, if a tad hazy.

Since he was so thankful to be in Amsterdam, and my partner B and I were so thankful to be in Astoria, we decided to have a real Astoria Thanksgiving. Which in our case meant I didn’t have to wrestle with an imploding turkey, and going to the trusty Triangle Tavern for pot-luck. I was in charge of providing the candied yams, which I personally find disgusting. Fortunately, that does not impede my ability to prepare the dish, which I actually do quite well.

The Triangle Tavern Thanksgiving is an event. It is a family gathering. The pool table was covered with a huge piece of plywood, and covered with a tablecloth. The owner served up 38 lbs. of beautifully cooked turkey, and there mounds of mashed potatoes, at least a gallon of gravy, trays of stuffing, home-made cranberry sauce from local berries, and countless other goodies. Plus, for dessert, huge pecan, apple, and home-made pumpkin pies. I get misty-eyed and hungry just thinking about it.

The best part, of course, was the gathering of great people. I was so worried I’d feel lost on Thanksgiving in a new town. Not a chance. All of our friends were there, the food was fine and plentiful, and it was one of the warmest, nicest Thanksgivings I’ve ever had.

Astoria Photografpix

Astoria, Thanksgiving, turkey, Triangle Tavern, Shanahan Gallery