Sunday, February 03, 2008

Beware the Half Moon

When men are young, they go bare-chested and flex their muscles as signs of display to court or attract women, or just for the hell of it. For the most part, if they're in any kind of shape, nobody minds, and they may even be appreciated for their efforts.

However, something bizarre happens to the male when they hit middle age. Some glitch happens in their wiring, maybe. I call it BCDS, otherwise known as Butt Crack Display Syndrome. They can be affected by this syndrome at any time, anywhere, and feel an inexplicable need to bend over or sit down and expose 4" of butt crack.

Today I was at a local tavern, sitting at a table and watching the Super Bowl Game. I'm fibbing. I hate sports. I was actually reading a book while the game droned on. We went there because our pals were there, sig other loves sports and the tavern has a wide-screen TV.

A spaghetti dinner was being served, and the barmaid plopped a plate by me. Distracted by my book, I didn't pay much attention, and started scarfing down the food.

Then, I had the misfortune to look up to get her attention to thank her and ask for another beer. What was I greeted by, with a forkful of spaghetti on my way to my mouth? The butt crack from hell.

This mother must have been a yard wide. It was blaringly white in the otherwise muted light, parked on a bar stool right in front of me. It's not like there was any subtlety, or that you could, perchance, miss it.

Nobody can tell me that the owner of this dermatological billboard didn't notice a very distinct and chilly draft on God's little acre of posterior. I mean, he was wearing a coat and two shirts, plus heavy pants and boots. Yet he made no move to cover up. Who the hell knows, maybe he thought he needed an airing.

He was obviously a victim of BCDS. Which is, apparently, incurable and untreatable, more's the pity.

Click here to see Elleda's photography at the Astoria Photografpix web site


nootka said...

Boy, was this guy wearing big ol' glasses, by some chance?
His name might have been Terry...and if you only saw a half moon, consider yourself LUCKY.

THartill said...

Don't leave the lady "cracks" out.....

Seen plenty of those around town also.

Elleda said...

Don't know what the guy's name is, tho I've seen him around. Nope, no glasses, though. I will consider myself lucky the "vision in white" wasn't worse.

Hmmmm, haven't seen any lady offenders around town, but I'll take your word for it. However, overall, to my wounded eyes, BCDS has been predominantly a male affliction.

nootka said...

yep, the trend for hipster/low-rise jeans really does exacerbate this problem (chick crack).
I have a kind of a funny story I think I'll post on my blog...yes, I am on offender. :(
I do try to be vigilant not to moon anyone, though.

Still, "Crack kills!"

Patrick McGee said...

What I want to know is: Who was it decide that mid-rise slacks/jeans was the "In Thing" for all women, no matter what the size or age?

Good lord in heaven! Don't they make just regular, ole, real women's slsaacks any more?

Elleda said...

Forgot about those mid and low rise jeans. Yup, that can be an issue.

And Yes, they do make regular old women's slacks and jeans. Thank God.

THartill said...

Yep I saw 2 Girls Cracks guy cracks though....maybe we should keep a tally.

Guys = 0
Gals = 2

Elleda said...

Jeez, my original sighting ought to count for at least 4 ... there was a staggering amount of square footage visible!

I ran into another pal last night who also saw the same acre of butt during Super Bowl, and she would agree with me.

It was truly blinding.

nootka said...

I just had to come back for a giggle.
This is fun/funny.
I must be odd, because on select individuals, I don't mind a little umm...peek?
Still...I can imagine the inspiration for your blog, Elleda, is not something that was attractive.

Elleda said...

Oh, you are so right! Trust me, this was nothing you'd want to "peek" at. The inspiration for this blog was something that should NOT have seen the light of day. Ack!!!!

Even now, several days later, I run into folks who were there who say, "Jeeeezus, did you see THAT?"

Like anyone could have missed it?